Who am I anyway?

I don't know if this all has something to do with turning 30 but I have had some eye opening experiences in the last couple of days. I must warn you that you should proceed through this post with caution. I don't mean any offense to anyone so hopefully it won't come across that way. I have just been experiencing some emotions lately that have got me thinking. I am not very good with expressing myself, especially on paper so this could be a little rough around the edges. O.K. enough warning...here goes. By the way, I'm looking forward to any comments that you have.

I told you a little about my friend Tonya and her accident. She has really made me take a good look at myself and people in general. She is so genuine. I really want to be that person that you don't have to guess what or who they believe in. I really want to live with integrity. I looked up the definition of integrity and this is what I found...adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty. That's it...that's what I want my life to be.

I want people that don't know me to look at me and see me as someone that is human and flawed but forgiven by a God of grace & mercy. I want people to know that I am so far from perfect but that I am O.K. with that (most of the time). God is still working on me and will continue to work on me until the day that I die. I struggle with being everything to everyone and nothing to no one. I want to be the best mom but most days go to bed feeling like a failure. I want to play with my girls more but just can't find the time and energy a lot of the time. I want to get my priorities straight. I want Ryan to love and adore me but end up most days giving him plenty of reasons not to. I want to know more about the bible and how it applies and when to use scriptures and where they can be found in the bible. I am more materialistic, career driven and selfish than I ever thought possible.

I do have good qualities too. I am highly determined and driven and can accomplish almost anything when I put my mind to it. I love to serve others when possible and would do anything for my friends. I hurt deeply when someone I love hurts and wear my emotions on my sleeve (I guess that one is both good and bad). I am a great cook, good housekeeper, hard worker and love to learn. I hate lying and deceit and am teaching my girls to be honest people even when it isn't convenient or fun or rewarding.

Your wondering where all this is going huh...I guess that I just want to keep it real. I don't want to portray my life as this perfect fairytale bible story that it isn't. One of my favorite things to do is to sit on my lanai with my husband, have a couple of cold beers and share thoughts about our past, present & future. I don't always listen to Christain music and can't quote scripture off the top of my head. I am working on being a better follower of Jesus Christ but to be real honest it is really hard. I want to share God's love with my family and friends but am scared of their reactions. I don't want to be the crazy Christain girl that scares away unbelievers but I don't want to put God in a box either. I am just searching for the right balance and trying to listen intently to what God is telling and teaching me along the way.

I love my life and am so lucky to have everything that I do, but that doesn't always keep me from wanting more. Like I said before, I am definitely a work-in-progress. I am glad that I have this blog to vent frustrations and share triumphs but I hope that I don't distort the real facts...I am flawed and need Jesus' blood to cover me each & every day. Thank you God for your grace...I need it desperatly!

Until next time....

Pools, Ipods & Renita

It seems like a lot must have happened since last Monday (my last post) to keep my from the blogging world but I just can't remember what it was. Here are a few pictures (in reverse chronological order) to jog my memory. Here goes....

This is Molly this evening. She recieved her barbie "ipod" in the mail tonite and was listening to it while enjoying some Oreo's. We collected the tokens from the Kellogg's cereal boxes and she is just so proud of it. She asked to take a run with it tomorrow...isn't it so cute how she wants to be just like me;)


This picture is from when we swam at Renita's pool on Saturday. Renita rolled in to town Thursday evening and will be leaving us tomorrow:( We had a good time with her and keep begging her to move here from California. I guess that California must have a lot to offer but I can't believe it would be better than being with us all the time (ha, ha). One highlight of her trip was going to a local BBQ restaurant last night that has "kids eat free" on Sunday nights. Talk about beating the system...Ryan and I split a meal, which was plenty, and the girls ate for free! After giving the waitress a nice tip we still ate for under $15. What a bargain....and the food was great!

This is Molly and her Oreo's again...she is so funny!
The other night after baths Ryan was working checking his email while Molly and I caught up on So You Think You Can Dance. Roz came toddling out of the office/toy room with this number on and I couldn't resist taking a picture. She always has loved the high heeled shoes and jewelery but she never cared much about the clothes until now. I guess we have another future princess on our hands.

In this picture I was trying to get a shot of Roz's big bruise on her right cheek. Last week she caught whatever it was that Molly had and ended up with a fever of 103 one night. We were at my mom's and she was swinging when we realized that she was super hot. After mom put her down she stumbled and fell against the lanai metal ledge. It was so bad and bruised immediately but thank God we survived another fall!

And this is Molly wanting another piece of the spotlight. She seems so much more grown up over the last couple of weeks. One day as we were eating a snack she was telling me how glad she was that God gave us such a cute baby. She went on to say that God was giving us another baby in my belly. She said she knew that I had told God I didn't want anymore babies but that God had told her that I was going to have another one. She was so definate about the whole thing that it was hard to argue with her...or God. I guess that only time will tell although hopefully God will talk to me and Ryan about it first. I encouraged her to continue to talk to God and listen to him...hopefully this is the beginning of a great conversation between the two of them.


I also wanted to ask for prayer for my friend Tonya (Lily & Ivy's mom). Last week she recieved a neck injury. The doctor's expect her to make a full recovery but recovery is not easy by any means. Their family is so dear to me and I want for this time to be as painless as possible for them. Please remember them in your prayers. I took Tonya to get her blood work today and the way that she is handling the situation is such a testament to the Gospel of Christ. I was telling Renita today that she is what I aspire to be. She doesn't pretend to have it all together but when tragedy struck her heart really shows and you can see what a wonderful person she is on the inside as well as the outside. God has done a wonderful job with both her and Chance and we are so lucky to have them in our lives.

Until next time.....

Under Construction

Please excuse the mess as I try and give my blog a facelift....

Sick Girls

I just can't get over how horrible I feel, even physically, when one of my girls is sick. Molly had ran a fever off and on since last Friday and finally kicked it yesterday only to have Rozy catch whatever it is last night. Molly is a little different since she can at least tell us what the problem is but poor Roz has just been crying all day. Her fever tonite was 103, I looked in her mouth this afternoon and can see where her gums were bleeding from getting her jaw and eye teeth and now she seems to be tugging at her ears a little. Being a mother is just so hard. Just when you think that you have everything under control something like this happens and it seems to stop me dead in my tracks. I want to ask God what he has for me now because I am sure that I am about to be taught something meaningful again...it always seems to happen this way. Not to get too personal, but I have also been struggling with some family issues the last few days. I feel a little down in the dumps anyway so I guess that I need to just look up and see what there is to learn. My girlfriend had some really good advise for me the other day and reminded me that even when I just want for God to 'fix' things that isn't always what he has in mind...maybe I need to grow and be taught something through the "trials". I hope that I can someday become what he wants me to be so that I don't have to go through this molding process anymore although I know that day will only come in eternity. Until then I will strive for the prize....

Indiana Vacation 08

Here goes nothing....

Our vacation was good. We left Wednesday afternoon around 3:00pm and arrived in Montgomery at 7:15am Thursday morning. Molly did excellent. She watched movies and colored the entire time. She had no trouble going to sleep and actually slept from around 9:30 until 6:15 or so. I was super proud of her. Roz, well she was a little different story. You have to understand that she is completely uninterested in movies 0r books so it was a little harder with her. She made it for a couple of hours and then started fussing. We stopped to eat around 6 and that seemed to help. We took our time and let the girls stretch. When we got back in the car she did fine until about 9. We stopped again, put on their pj's and gave Roz some milk & Tylenol. She calmed right down and went to sleep fairly easily. Once she was asleep she only woke once when we stopped to get gas and then had little trouble going back to sleep. Ryan and I on the other hand didn't fair so good with the whole sleeping thing. Our car is just too small to travel in. It took us most of the day on Thursday to recover. All in all it was fine.

Here is how the days shaped up from our arrival:

Thursday:

Not much went on. We rested as much as possible. Ryan got the jeep out and running and then we went to Shawna & Marks for dinner. It was great and Ryan was so glad to have steak since we rarely get that luxury here. We had way too much to eat but I just couldn't stop myself (a theme that seemed to repeat itself through most of the trip). Molly and Allison did sparklers after supper and Shawna, Mark & Allison took Molly with them to see the fireworks at Boggs. The rest of us were just too pooped. I couldn't believe how late it gets dark! That was the hardest thing to get used to. Molly didn't get home until 11 and by the time I gave her a bath I was almost in the zombie state. She had a great time though and I was glad that she got to go. Here are some pics of her and Allison doing sparklers.

Allison & Molly with the sparklers

Roz found a floaty in the garage

Roz had a hard time adjusting to the new setting for sleeping. She didn't get much of a nap and when we put her to bed that night she only cried for a few minutes. When I went to check on her this is what I found...

Poor thing couldn't bare to give up and lay down. Needless to say she slept well and didn't get up until 9:30 on Friday which basically never happens.

Friday the 4th:

I got up and ran around town. I couldn't believe the difference in running on flat ground verses adding a few hills. The hills really kicked my butt! (More on that later). Marcy had a cookout planned for noon. It was a fun time for everyone. Most of Ryan's family was there at some point, my friend Jamie (Ryan's cousin somehow) and roommate from college was there with her boys and it was so good to see her. I love seeing old friends and catching up. I always wish that we would have had more time but I'll take anything. We had some good laughs remembering old times.

One thing that is foreign to me is that when Ryan's family gets together it pretty well lasts all day. Like I said, the cookout started at noon and I think that the last people were leaving at 10pm. It was a long day but good to get to visit with everyone in one shot. Shawna & Allison came and I don't think that Molly and Allison were in the house the entire day for more than 20 minutes total. They really played well together and had so much fun. Here are some pics:

Molly and her famous 4th of July Jello Flag

Rozy and Uncle Bob (Roz tends to make her rounds with whoever has food)

Rozy & G'pa Charley

G'ma Marcy & the girls on the mule

Saturday:

Not much happened on Saturday. Ryan and his family worked at the "farm" (a little campground that they own) while the girls and I hung out at the house. We picked up lunch for everyone and had a subway picnic then watched Ryan work on the tractor pulling down trees before heading home for naps. I think everything caught up to the girls because they both slept until almost 6. Ryan and I had a little date in the jeep and went to the Freedom Shootout go-cart race. It was interesting....enough said. We enjoyed driving around with the top off and surveying all the things that have changed south of town. It was a fun night. Here are some pics from our picnic:

Rozy & Uncle Kenny

Molly & Ryan

Molly, Aunt Kay & Roz watching Ryan on the tractor

The Abels with our 5th family member (the jeep)

Sunday:

I got up on Sunday thinking it was the perfect day to do my long run for the week. I mapped out a run that was around 5.75 miles and took off. I rounded the curved from Old Hwy 50 onto Sportmans road and realized that I had never noticed the huge hill that lied ahead. I was completely out of my element and had to walk for about 5 minutes after I made the corner by Aunt Marita's house to recover. I couldn't believe how much difference the terrain makes. I am just glad that I will be running my 1st marathon in Florida...that was a close one! Then it was off to Greta & Shawn's for a fine feast. We had a great meal and visit and the girls got along perfectly. Roz had a hard time not being allowed to climb the stairs but it was a good time none-the-less.

Sunday night we headed out to Maddi's other grandparents for an early birthday party. Molly got to go early for some buggy rides with Allison, Maddi & Karla (who had never been) and then the rest of us came for dinner. It was fabulous! Ryan said it was the best meal ever and I had to agree. Now we have had a lot of good food in our lives but this was just awesome...Thanks Marge! Here are the pics:

The girls blowing out Maddi's candles

Taking a ride in the pony cart

Rozy, Aunt Karla & the baby puppy

Monday:

We went to visit g'ma Needie on Monday and had a really good visit. I learned a little more about her family which was interesting to hear. I know very little about her family and enjoyed learning more about my past. The girls did fairly well and she loved seeing them. Then for dinner we went to Mi Pueblo with the Thompsons. It was awesome food and spending time with Brooke is always good for me. I miss the close friendships that I had before I moved. It is hard to meet a friend and have the same bond as what you have with someone that you have known since the beginning of time. I have that bond with Brooke and we tend to pick up like we never missed a beat when we are together. Our kids played together great and that just gave us more time to gab. Here are the pics:

Molly & Great G'ma Needie

Molly, Roz & Great G'ma Needie

Molly, Reed & Willow

Tuesday:

We didn't do much but pack and load the car on Tuesday. We left around 1:20 and arrived home at 5:10 on Wednesday. Molly did excellent again and Roz much the same as the first trip. All in all it was a good vacation and we are still getting back in the swing of thing here now. Until next time.....

HOME AGAIN!

I don't really have time to do this right now, in fact if Ryan catches me I will be in big trouble, but I wanted to let everyone know that we are back from vacation, we had a great time and a safe trip & I will post lots of pictures in the next couple of days as we get back in the swing of things. I need to work tomorrow, friday and saturday morning so I hope to get this blog up to date by late in the weekend! Until then.....

VACATION!

This picture was taken Monday morning before our haircuts. The girls just love to dress up and walk around in those heals...they are so girly!

Well we have been trying to get ready for vacation for the last couple of days and I begin to wonder if it is really worth it at times. The girls are super excited and Molly asks about every other minute when we are leaving. I think we might have to give her a tranquilizer for the car ride so that we all don't go bonkers.

Monday the girls and I got haircuts from Amber Jo. It was so nice and she does such a good job. The girls had so much fun and I completely forgot to get pictures...just like me. Anyway, thanks Amber!

Tuesday was devoted to last minute housework and packing and tomorrow Ryan and I are going to work half a day and then take off sometime in the afternoon. Please pray that we have a safe journey.

Until next time.....